32 Responses to “THE HAPPINESS THEORY”

1. nguyen duong Says:
   June 24th, 2009 at 12:06 pm

   turning off all the digital connections is the hardest part, (esp being a “digital native”) but also the most rewarding. having that thoughtful, purposeful, dedicated time to yourself or whatever it is you’re doing (work or play) is key to getting the most out of the experience, methinks. i shut off tweetdeck, hide the mobile phone, and turn off the email browser when i’m working on a project that requires considerate attention. the same goes when i get home to spend time w/wife and son. w/the growing availability of broadband/wi-fi even in 3rd world countries, i hope that you can disconnect and find that introspective time out in the water. good on ya for taking the trip and for the thoughtful share.

2. Zaskoda Says:
   June 24th, 2009 at 12:12 pm

   I would love to introduce you to a friend of mine. When everything is falling apart, he’s stoked about the furry and rush of trying to put it back together. When the worst happens, he’s excited to tell the story of just how challenging it all got. Don’t get me wrong, when he’s hurt, he’ll break down and even cry. But he never seems to complain, rather he embraces and loves every moment.

   It’s also overwhelmingly mood changing. I can’t look the guy in the eyes and complain about things. It’s hard not to pick up his energy. I often wonder how he maintains it.

3. Vancity Allie Says:
   June 24th, 2009 at 12:15 pm

   nguyen duong, that sounds like a good plan! I’m happy you’ve found some space.

   Zaskoda, you should talk to him. I would LOVE to know his secret!

4. Byron Says:
   June 24th, 2009 at 12:35 pm

   Music will keep you happy for a lifetime (playing it, at least. I wouldn’t know about people who only listen).

   If you’re going to listen to music, try to avoid doing it passively or while doing something else. Lie down somewhere on your bed or a beach with a good pair of headphones and do nothing except listen.

5. Richard Sim Says:
   June 24th, 2009 at 12:38 pm

   Along the lines of what nguyen duong is saying, I find being proactive is the best you can do for long-term happiness. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love taking (and often do take) ‘me’ time to relax, and it’s great for short-term happiness; but personally I find the only way to be truly happy with myself and my life is to be proactive about moving forward with my goals and dreams. There’s nothing better for your overall state of being than knowing that no matter how crap your day/week/month is, that you’ve made the right choices to get you there and keep you in a good position for the future – it gives perspective to what can otherwise overwhelm you.

6. Emily Says:
   June 24th, 2009 at 12:47 pm

   Awesome post, Allie!
   Those are all great things to do to destress!
   In addition to listening to the mind meditation CD at bedtime that I told you about,
   I also keep my blackberry to Zzzz mod most of the time. Also when I have time, I’ll do at home spa nights ( facial, manicure, pedicure, shave my legs, deep condition my hair) Even if my only plans are to sit at home alone and watch a movie! It feels so good to give to yourself and being grateful about the small things works wonders too. I find if I can constantly give thanks for the little things, the big things just seem THAT much bigger.better and more exciting!
   Surrounding yourself with good friends and good people is another important feel good thing, which I know you’re really good at!

   I’m so happy to hear that you’re having an awesome week! And I hope you guys have fun in Tofino for the birthday extravaganza! And am sorry that I’m not able to make it. Can’t wait to see the photos!

7. dave Says:
   June 24th, 2009 at 1:48 pm

   On saturday mornings, i leave my bedroom window open, if its rainy or sunny, My two little boys crawl into bed with me, one snugggled up in each arm, and i turn on the morning cartoons, and listen to the rain or birds through the window, while my boys whatch the tv. thats my happy place, that where i feel love in it purest form.

8. Lindsay Says:
   June 24th, 2009 at 2:09 pm

   Dude, you totally struck a chord. I often complain about Vancouver because, well, it isn’t ‘home’ to me. If I could move back to N.S., I would in a heart beat. Annnnyway….

   I have been ‘trimming the friendship fat’ (as I call it) and am keeping things really simple. Instead of being involved in everyone’s lives/issues/woes/bullpoop, I took a step back, became a bit of a recluse, and I’m finding that I’m much happier on my own or with a couple tight friends. This ultimately lead to my happiness.

   On the other hand, my Lindsay time used to be me, relaxing after a lil’ puff and vegging out on the beach… now, I spend it swimming, running, biking, kickboxing and doing yoga. It turned out that physical activity was the best way for me to clear my thoughts rather than reading or zoning out. It took some time to figure this out but I’m a lot happier doing this.

9. Urban Dweller Says:
   June 24th, 2009 at 2:38 pm

   Oh my I’ve been craving some downtown lately. However, work, my relationship won’t let me. Not to mention that our big day is approaching soon!! Anyways, I want to sometimes just step back and isolate myself from EVERYONE, its difficult. My fiance likes for us to communicate because we don’t see each other a lot due to our work schedules. Being a man, I like to not talk as much and just “chill”.

   I am trying to go back and start sketching as my means of therapy. It worked before and I think it would help me escape the hecticity of life and just slow things down. I also find just going to the seawall sit on a bench and stare at the surrounding beauty that is Vancouver.

   Further to talk about your point about people not liking Vancouver, go to any other city and people always have something to complain about. Its human nature as sad as that is. Its not the city its the individual mindset, I mean we aren’t living in Khandahar or anything.

   Anyways hope you find that inner peace

10. Alissa Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    what yoga audio do you use? I’m a fan of yoga mp3 downloads, too.

    I kept searching outwards for my happiness but finally realized it was with me, in my heart, all along. I use meditation and yoga to tap into it when I lose sight of things. And crafts.. lots and lots of crafts.

11. Suz Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 3:18 pm

    Hey Allie! What an awesome post. It is striking how much we complain, I do it myself, and then realize things like, ‘is this rain really that bad? It’s actually kind of beautiful, why am I moping about it?’ I do think that it’s more of a condition we all have, and I think it goes on in many cities, not just Vancouver, and yet Vancouver is surrounded by so much beauty, beauty we even rave about, that it’s ironic to hear us complain so much. I’m glad you brought it to the surface. It’s almost like this sick relationship we have with negativity. It’s something we almost crave, like drama, and if we’re not getting enough of it in our lives, in our friends’ lives, or in TV shows, we look for it elsewhere. Maybe.

    We often just blab on I find too, we say things for the sake of saying something rather than saying what we really mean. Complaining about weather or talking about weather in general seems to be the ideal topic for small talk, so everyone mentions it, and like I said, I’ll whine about the rain but then realize that I don’t actually hate it. It’s silly.

    We’re always finding reasons to stress or worry. I like you’re idea about stepping back from that and trying to resolve things or look at the bright side. Sometimes we worry about things that aren’t even happening, or that may never happen. Sometimes I think we worry things into existence! Haha. So stepping back from that stream of negative thought is important, because it doesn’t solve anything and probably just encourages us to make bad decisions out of fear.

    I’ve thought a lot about this over the last few years, and there are a couple things I’ve collected throughout my search that help me reconnect with my happiness (the key there being, it’s there, we just have to find ways to connect with it).

    For one, it’s a state of mind. That’s something I’ve always remembered since I was told that as a kid, so I’ve never attributed it to any kind of material gain, and have tried to adjust my outlook to be more positive and open.

    A friend of mine once told me that whenever she gets a worrying or negative thought, she tries to replace it with a thought that makes her happy, whether that’s strawberries or someone in her life she loves. I find that helps too, especially with self-destructing thoughts like, ‘wow, I feel like an ugly slob today’ (change to) ‘are avocadoes not the best thing in the world?’

    Reading a New Earth by Eckhart Tolle really helped me too, he talks about staying in the present moment. In the moment, we are our true selves, and so we act as such, and we’re inherently happy. There’s no reason to worry if in a given moment nothing is actually wrong. You might be sitting on a park bench worrying about something, when in the act of sitting on a park bench there’s nothing to worry about, so if you embrace the moment you’ll realize you’re actually okay and have plenty of things to be happy about (being able to sit there, the view, etc). He also talks about our connection to negativity by referring to the ‘pain body’ which is something we all carry and tend to ‘feed’. It relates to what I mentioned earlier in this comment, his book is so fantastic, if you haven’t read it I highly recommend it! He also wrote the Power of Now which is along the same lines. One of my favourite things he says is that we talk so much about finding ourselves, when who we are is already there. There’s nothing to ‘find’ or ‘figure out’ because if you just ‘are’ in the moment, you are you.

    This year, so far, I think my happiest week has been my week off technology. I generally make an effort to use it at a minimum, although I go from weeks of obsessive addiction to manageable use all the time. But one week I turned everything off and didn’t allow myself to watch any TV, do any computer stuff except for work and email once, at most twice a day, and so on. I felt so clear headed and alive! I could focus on things better than ever, I played with my dog, I spent actual time with Jon, I cooked and ate and focused on what I was eating, enjoying every bite of it and appreciating it, I read a book I hadn’t been able to finish in months, I sat in the park, I talked to strangers, and so on.

    I guess my biggest problem is a screen addiction, we use screens to work, to socialize, to relax, when do we do the real thing? Because once that’s out of the picture, I feel free. So I think for me, it’s about reconnecting with physical reality, as sad as it is to be saying that. But it’s like my friend said the other day, why aren’t adults more like kids, who knock on each other’s door and ask to come play?

    Anyway, WOW long comment, I’ll stop there, heehee.

12. hoon Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    Option 1:
    see surf
    get up early
    ride surf and act stupid in water
    go to work with smile face

    Option 2:
    see snow
    go to mountain early
    ride it like you stole it
    go home with smile on face

13. Katie Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 5:03 pm

    Hi! I stumbled upon your blog a while ago when you were featured on the Twilight Lexicon and have been a follower ever since. I love this post… I totally agree about needing downtime, and you have really inspired me to focus on thinking happy thoughts and not get caught up in all of the “noise” Can’t wait to see your Costa Rica pics!

14. Liv Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    Great comments and advice by everyone, and an inspiring post. Happiness is a state of mind, and it’s something that you need to work at to achieve. I’ve been so stressed out at work lately and it makes me become someone i don’t like. I need to remind myself to refocus.

    some things that help me -

    -breathing and meditation -
    -yoga, at home when possible. This is somethind I’d like to really do more
    -spending time with my horse, whether just hanging out or riding
    -hugs – mostly my hubby =D
    -traveling
    -Laugh!

15. Warren Springer Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    Just wanted to say I really like your style of blogging. Definitely agree that after 8 o’clock, business and chit chat can wait til the morning. You’ve got a new fan.

    Looking forward to your next post.

16. vancityguy Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 9:10 pm

    Great post Allie.

    What makes someone happy? I don’t think there is a general rule or recipe for that, just as their isn’t a general rule or recipe for the variety of human lives.

    Personally, I’m a bit scattered. Writing, great conversation, and great music are what make me happy, but so does coaching pee-wee football and wrestling with my nephews.

    But what makes you, me or anyone else happy may differ, I think a few common themes would involve self-respect and self-worth, compassion and empathy for other people, a sense of purpose or reason, and a huge amount of genuine love from family and friends.

    But a word of caution to the comments about Eckhart Tolle. Living in the moment is fine and dandy, but it leads way too easily into willful indifference, and with time, even nihilism, which is a place no happy person wants to be. I’m no expert, but we’re born into the world, live and act in it with fellow human beings, and turning our back on both of those things to live alone in the now, in my mind, is the furthest thing from lasting happiness.

    I don’t know, I guess I look for happiness in terms of living life, not observing it, but that’s me and I don’t pretend to speak for anyone else…well, except my dog, he doesn’t mind if I speak for him.

    Again, great post Allie.

17. vancityguy Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    Sorry for the double-comment, but I came across something that matches the theme.

    Why Aren’t Women Happier?

18. Mike Says:
    June 24th, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    Hey Allie, you got me curious to watch myself to see if I complain… I like to think I complain a lot less than I used to, as I generally feel a lot more content/satisfied more often now. Though I do know at work some of my coworkers complain with almost every breath, so it’d be interesting to pop at them, “so what’s keeping you living here in Vancouver?” Kind of a viral attention-call to the complaining habit!

    I know at the gym I find it pretty relaxing, despite what one would think from the weight lifting I do; I don’t listen to music either (I don’t really have the option as earbuds are wasted on me), mainly because I don’t want to be one of those people who seems to spend more time exercising their iPod wheel more than their body.

19. Mitch Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 9:37 am

    First, great post!

    I find myself craving to be busy and always seeking new things to undertake (volunteerism, committees, etc.), and then when I get too busy, I get stressed.

    Trying to find that happy middle ground is not easy and I haven’t nearly figured it all out yet.

    Happiness is such a tough thing to truly find. I remember times that I thought I was happy, only to figure out down the road that in fact I was masking unhappiness with illusion and desire.

    I can tell you when I truly AM happy though, and that’s when sitting on the ocean, bobbing around with salt water in my eyes, waiting for that perfect wave AND being satisfied with less than perfect waves because, well, I’m surfing.

    I need to take a few cues from you – phone off, computer off, tv off in the evening – taking time to relax and breathe.

20. Kevin Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    loved your post.

    Personal hypothesis from a previous similar conversation: There are two poles which define how people are made happy. There are ‘Consequentialists’ and ‘Proceduralists’ defining opposite ends of the spectrum. Everyone falls at either points or somewhere between.

    Cs are those who are satisfied when they have set goals in mind and are happy when those goals are achieved. For instance, if you are a C, a day without goals would leave you feeling lost, empty, unmotivated. With goals you’ll have direction and more motivation, but not actually completely happy until that goal has been achieved. When that happens, you reset, and need more goals to keep going.

    Ps are those who are satisfied with the experiences of process. An extreme P, could be a hippy like nomadic carefree person, who enjoyed everything in the moment for what it is, expecting nothing more, and appreciated that moment for exactly what it is..that moment. This doesn’t mean they don’t have goals, but don’t need them to be happy.

    Cs are not content until prerequisites are made to be content, and when those are achieved, often new prerequisites must be made. The process of getting there can be seen as negative as it is an ongoing uphill battle to get to satisfying those goals. People can fall in between the two spectrums and having a balance is often important to be truly happy and still feel accomplished.

    Worth a social test or two?

    On a side note, try being at a party and sitting on the sideline to observe (shouldn’t be hard as a photographer) for a good duration. Those observations and also how your action of removing yourself changes the scene (the dynamics) are often very interesting. It is also always interesting to watch others’ motivations for particular actions as well as who responds by adapting to your actions.

21. Happiness? « On The Rant Again Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    [...] I’ve had on my mind quite a bit recently, and when I read Van City Allie’s post “The Happiness Theory” I can’t help but take a few steps back and do my own round of thinking about my own [...]

22. jewels Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    We all need to stop and take stock of what’s what. I think it’s great that you have outlined goals to assist with this.

    I think I can very well say I’m at a crossroads to pick a direction in which to continue to search for the happiness and peace.

    Starting with technology, my phone goes on silent usually in the evenings and if I don’t hear it I don’t answer it and sometimes I hear it and eh…I’ll get it later.

    Also, it’s amazing what doing nothing can do for you.

23. Juliane Gusmão de Souza Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    Oi Allie, sei que deve ser estranho pra você receber um depoimento de uma língua que pra você é desconhecida, bom pra mim também está sendo muito estranho. Fiquei encantada com suas fotos os momentos em que você fotografa são innstates de tamanha felicidade e liberdade que me encantam,e você imortalizando cada um desses momentos é mágico. Parabéns.
    Parabéns também por ter registrado as imagens de Twilight, pois foi através deles é que conheci seu trabalho, e parabéns pelo respeito e senso de privacidade que você teve com cada um de nossos ídolos.

24. Hayley Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    Hi Allie, just wanted to say how refreshing it is to read such a positive post. Like Katie, I came across your blog via a Twilight site and it has really struck a chord with me. As a long-time eczema sufferer I know just what a strain it can bring to all aspects of life, and am so glad to hear that you are on the road to recovery.

    Your Costa Rica trip sounds like the perfect antidote – I love to travel alone and really cannot recommend it highly enough. There is something so satisfying about doing things on your own time, having the opportunity to be totally selfish and immerse yourself in your own thoughts – how often do we really get to do that?

    Will look forward to seeing photos from your trip – your pictures are beautiful and have inspired me to take my neglected camera out with me more often!

25. Kimm Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    We do complain a lot and I’ve noticed it over twitter a lot.. I was gonna write about it but you beat me to the punch. lol.

    Eczema is a cruse I swear it is! I’ve been battling with it since I was little, I had a very nasty break out early this year on my face But I’m glad that you’ve kicked yours to the curb

    Enjoy your trip Allie.

26. Dan Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    Good observation, it definitely seems that we are over stimulating ourselves as a society sometimes. Little too often do people “stop and smell the roses” so to speak. However, I do like to think of myself as one of the exceptions…well, usually.

    You reminded me of something. I randomly bought a bottle of iced tea at the store the other day, a brand I had never tried, nor even heard of. Something just drew me to it. At the time I was in a particularly crappy mood, dwelling on something persona which was quickly becoming a daily pattern I did not enjoy too much. Right as I was running the same crappy thoughts through my head as I had been all day, i flipped the tea cap over to read the phrase “be grateful for what you have”. I swear it was like being slapped in the face, and literally made my day. Because it was absolutely right, I had been oblivious to how good I have it for the past few weeks.

    I wonder if every bottle had the same quote, maybe more people should drink that brand, whatever it was haha.

27. Pam Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    Loved this post, perfect timing. The past few weeks have been rough. Work, friends, work. Everything and everybody requires so much of my time that I just want to myself. My side business is picking up, good for my bank account, bad for my health. Everything hit at once; the stress hit the roof.

    I take melatonin to sleep better. I intended to get to my chiropractor, massage therapist, exercise more and get more sleep…over a month ago. Thankfully, I don’t have a Crackberry.

    The little things are what makes these big things hard to handle. I force the ’1 Minute Rule’ on myself. Anything that takes 1 minute or less to do, I jump on it. Even if it’s loading up the dishwasher, those few things I get done each day take a load off and help me get out of that negative, I’ve-got-so-much-to-do-and-no-time-to-do-it, deepening rut.

    I should probably learn to surf. No snow kills me.

28. Michelle Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    Wow Allie, so true all of it… we do need time to unwind. I’ve recently taken quite a hiatus from blogging because I wasn’t able to get the downtime I needed.

    I make a lot of music to relax… and run. I sing with two bands, play the trumpet in a concert band and have just started working with some friends to form a songwriting group that meets every 2 weeks. We just wrote a great song in one night lol! When I run I listen to music and just enjoy the way my body feels doing it… enjoying that I can run.

29. Jedly Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    Yeah, Time to oneself is very important. I enjoy my time alone. I’ve often taken trips alone and it’s really nice. Go somewhere you don’t know anyone and nobody knows you. Meet new people and talk.

    I used to live in Seattle and Portland, So I know how people can complain all the time, yet still say that the city they live in is the best. Well, I live in my hometown again and it’s small and I love it. I can’t complain. I don’t need the buses, traffic, big buildings, malls, etc… When I want to get away or go see my Seahawks play at Quest, I GO!! It’s only a 6 hour drive and my friends in the big city get excited when I visit. But here in my hometown, it just doesn’t get any better. I’ve got the mountains for snowboarding, the lake for wakesurfing, cliffs for rock climbing, rivers for kayaking, ponds for pond hockey, and NO TRAFFIC!!! I can get anywhere in my town in 5 min. You all can keep your big city. HA!!

    

30. Davin Says:
    June 25th, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    definitely. downtime is SO underrated.

    i could really go for some of that.

31. Tawcan Says:
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:29 am

    I like my downtime, I’m already spending way too much time in front of the computer as it is, I don’t need to tied to technology all the time. This is one of the reasons why I don’t have a crackberry or an iPhone. My el-cheapo phone from Telus works, let’s me text and talk to ppl when I need it.

    People always want more stuff, it’s human nature to desire what they don’t have.

32. Paulette Egeli (Allan's Mom) Says:
    July 6th, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    Allie – after years of camping with at least two and often 4 or 6 kids on the beach I started going out there by myself. The first day my head was busy busy…I should do this, I should do that…

    The next day (and maybe the next day)I surfed, walked, napped in the daytime with the surf sound blending with my own heartbeat. Synchronizing ….

    About three days into it, staring at my campfire and putting the perfect stick here and munching on something good I’d think…I haven’t thought a thought in…….

    However long. Time is subjective. Happiness or better yet contentment subjective. It can then be

    All good. And one can (at least in longer intervals) remain grateful – which is the best mantra. Thank you…Thanks be…

    Paulette

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