AUTHENTICITY
On the heels of my post about sincerity… I think it is necessary to follow up with a post about authenticity. I feel like authenticity is an extremely underrated quality. What is authenticity to me? It’s about being true to yourself, it’s about having your online persona match up with your offline persona, it’s about being consistent around your friends and about being honest with who you are.
I feel I’ve done a pretty good job in my adult years of staying true to myself. But what I’m realizing I’m not doing a very good job of is being consistent around my friends. Over the past few months I’ve had a few heart-to-heart talks with some of my very close friends about my desire to be more authentic. They’ve all commented on how I seem so “put together” on my blog, but when we talk in person I’m much more open about my feelings, my concerns, and my weaknesses. They’ve also noted about how I act very different one-on-one than I do in large groups.
Let’s tackle the first problem about the online persona. A personal blog is inherently narcissistic. It’s not possible to have a personal blog without it being about you to some degree. I feel like with anyone’s online persona… it is inherently difficult to completely show all sides of you online. To some degree, it’s to protect yourself. The online space is very vulnerable and you never know who could be looking at your website or blog – your coworkers, your future boss, your parents, your relatives… so already it’s not in your best interest to share every part of who you are. I feel like I’ve done a so-so job with this. I’ve posted about my struggles with eczema, weight, money, relationships, and more. But it’s true – my blog is more about my adventures on the west coast and the fun things I am doing.
So how do you reconcile this? Is it even possible?
I can say this honestly though – everything I’ve said on my blog about myself or my life is completely true. At least I can take some pride in that.
The second problem is consistency with my friends. I want to be authentic with them regardless of whether I’m in a group setting or just hanging out with them one-on-one. I think the base-level problem here is that I care a lot about what people think of me. The past few years it’s something I’ve been very aware of, and something that I’ve been struggling not to worry about. When you care about what other people think of you, it causes you to value things that probably shouldn’t be a priority in life. For example, let’s face it, would you buy designer items like bags or shoes if you didn’t care about what people thought of you? In some cases yes, high quality items are a good thing… but you can usually buy high quality items without them coming from a large French or Italian fashion house at 500% markup. It’s a constant struggle I’ve been trying to fight, but I’ve often lost. And the truth is, I’m not quite sure how to fight it.
I know what is most important in my life: Allan, my family, my friends, my career, and my activities. In that order. Everything else should fall underneath that. It’s important that I do things because I want to, not because I want to impress others. Will I still buy designer items, cook fancy meals, go on adventures, do activities and throw parties? Yes. But I need to make sure I am doing those things because I want to, not because of what others will think of me. It’s a very fine line, but I need to try. And I hope in doing so, I can be more authentic to my friends and my readers. I’ve already taken some extreme steps in my life in the past few years to be more authentic, but I need to be better.
I know that I’ve been sincere: doing things when I say I’m going to, really meaning something when I say it, inviting people out to do things only when I really want to do those things with them, and being friends with people that I really care about and want to be friends with. I’m also weeding people out of my life that are bad friends or have bad influences on my life. Being surrounded by good people who encourage you, have positive influences on your life and help take the stress out of your life is important. But being more authentic is the next step for me personally.
So here we go! In my first big steps towards being authentic, I’m going to lay out my strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has a good and a bad side, and no one is perfect! I think it’s crazy when people message me and tell me they think I lead the “perfect life”… let me tell you, no one has a perfect life! 
My strengths: Loving in my relationship, loyal to my close friends, self-aware, creativity, ambitious with my career, good at organizing things, getting things done, haggling, perseverance, multitasking, social, somewhat athletic/sporty, generous, willing to take a chance, trustworthy, faithful, honest, and fun.
My weaknesses: Absolutely terrible with my money, extremely impatient, lazy at home (like to watch TV when I’m home), worry too much about what others think of me, no self-control with food, thinking too much inside my head, getting stressed out, buying things I can’t afford, speaking my mind before thinking, messy, short with my temper around strangers, shy around strangers, picky about many things, and different around groups than individuals.
I’m going to continue to work on my weaknesses, and especially work on being even more authentic in my life.
So there you go!
And here are my questions to you…
Is it even possible to reconcile an online persona with an offline persona?
Do you feel like authenticity is important? If so, how have you incorporated it into your life?
Tags: authenticity, being yourself, friends, introspection, introspective, personal
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May 19th, 2010 at 11:49 am
I’m definitely a fan of authenticity, as it really just boils down to this somewhat clichéd quote: “A lie has speed, but the truth has endurance.” What I mean by that is that putting on airs or cultivating an ‘image’ takes a lot of work & coaching your speech and actions, when just being yourself just comes naturally. You can’t make a ‘mistake’ being yourself (as opposed to accidently going ‘out of character’ with your created image)
I have noted for some time that how I speak in online/real life situations will shift depending on who I’m talking to. Not as in a ‘false-self’ sense, but rather slipping into different sub-languages & dialects. If I’m with someone that enjoys literature as much as I do, we both talk frequently in prosaic or ‘big-words’, but if I’m with someone that has a lot of slang, I’ll speak in their slang as well. Not the same level as speaking a different language, but it’s definitely in the same area of the brain to me. I don’t feel like I’m compromising who I am when I do this; it’s not like I’m suppressing my ideas or expression – just modifying the delivery. After all, you can be yourself when you speak german, french, english, or any other language.
I will censor myself sometimes though, depending on the company I’m with, and for me that’s an important part of being who you are (and some people are lacking in this skill) – it’s still authentic to who I am; I’m not agreeing with opinions/viewpoints I don’t share, I just bite my tongue to be civil. Unless it’s a truly awful/offensive thing, and even then I start off only with saying it was so to me. Kind of a warning/reminder to the speaker that everyone’s different from them.
May 19th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
takes a lot of guts to post something so personal, so I commend you. I must say that one of the reasons why I started reading your blog is your voice comes across as very authentic. it’s a quality that I found to be real when we met. that said, i understand there are parts of your life and personality you want to keep hidden from public view.
I think it’s possible to reconcile the online and offline persona, but like Mike above says, one needs to be aware of one’s audience and the situation. that’s not being fake – it’s actually a type of social monitoring people engage in depending on the situation they are in. Much like you react different one on one than in groups.
Being authentic is extremely important to me, and that’s a quality I look for in people who I surround myself with.
May 19th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I like your blog PRECISELY because I consider it a perfect example of a blogger showcasing real life without giving it all away – too scary, these days. It’s just distant enough…or close enough. Now, I’ll admit, I’m obsessed with your life, and I am one of those people that thinks you lead the perfect one (I was devastated when you went through your eczema issues – for you, obviously, but also because I was reminded that you were a real human!). On the flip side, I was pleasantly surprised when you posted about issues with Allan – because that is, in fact, real life. And as I write this, I totally feel your inner debate – on the one hand, you have to be authentic and let your adoring public know you get crappy skin rashes and have dude issues, but on the other hand, you don’t need to give us a transcript of the fight. Although I’m sure it would be fascinating.
I’m a huge blog fan, but I am definitely more attracted to ones that show the blogger’s actual life (NOT because I am a stalker, which, could certainly be extrapolated from this and other emails I have sent you. Btw – I see your cute friend was curling with you – has he moved to Nashville yet?)
Anyone can pull shizz off the internet and call it “pretty” and “lovely” and “darling” and call it a blog – and yes, those have their worth – but YOUR blog is inspiring b/c you are putting into action all the things other bloggers heart, dream, and wish about. And call “yummy.” Ugh.
I guess to sum up – I come to your blog to see another human truly living life – the sports, the travel, the cooking (lawzy the cooking), the parties, the hockey games – all things this American tomboy appreciates – and to realize that it can be done! But it IS nice to know you aren’t perfect (who is?!), because everyone needs validation that perfection doesn’t exist.
I really think this is a non-issue. Honest to the Good One – you do a fantastic job of blending. Also, I’m pretty sure none of that made sense. Peace.
- Caroline from NashVegas
May 19th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently… and I don’t think I have a complete answer yet.
That being said, I think some people, with certain careers and certain personalities can link their online and off-line lives seamlessly, but it’s never going to be an option for me. I am always going to have to selectively blog about some of my life choices, because while they’re right for me and my life, on a page -read out of context by an employer, family member, etc. etc. would cause so much chaos/upheaval I’d just rather not be 100% me online. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
As much as we increasingly live our lives through digital communication (texts, blogs, emails, even letters and phones) there is always something lost in these methods of communication instead of face-to-face. And I’d rather that the important people learn who I really am in person, instead of who they interpret me to be through online media.
May 19th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
Your blog is your blog and you should say whatever you want on it, but I think an important thing is to not say one thing online and something different in person.
May 19th, 2010 at 11:49 pm
I think that it’s impossible to show every side of you in the online persona. People can’t see your reactions, your way to talk.. and I prefer not to post everything I want because I don’t like a lot of people who doesn’t know me know EVERYTHING about me and my life.
I retouch the photos where other people are to not post their faces. I think I’ll never post something about my family ’cause I don’t think they want to.
I only buy the things I like, totally not for the people. If I like a cheap thing it’s okay, if I like something expensive and I can afford it, why not? I never say how much it costed, so it’s everything for me.
About the not being the same way when you are one-to-one or in a big group, I have to say that I think almost everyone has the same “issue”, but I don’t think this is bad at all. You can’t be the same person when you are talking to someone that is one way than with another is another way. I’d like to be the same person when I’m around a lot of people too, but I think it’s all about trust, at least in my case. I don’t know how to let people in ’cause I don’t know if they want to stay. I don’t like people how only want to hang with me to have fun but people who really want me in their lives. It’s one of my little problems.
And I’m with you in some weaknesses.. but it’s good to know them ’cause you can work on it then
Interesting post today.
Love!
xxx
May 20th, 2010 at 12:46 am
In first place you can’t be the same person online and face to face because you have to save some of your personal things for better. I’m the kind of person that don’t talk so much about personal things in my blog and even cover the faces of my people who doesn’t have “online lives”.
It’s imposible show how you really are.
About the one-by-one thing.. I’m a little weird sometimes when I meet with someone the first time. You have to know if it’s reliable, if there are commonalities, and if these person wants to be in your life for good and not only for fun.
When I’m in small groups I’m more closer with everyone, it’s more easy to really know me.
I think it’s everything about time, the trust they give you, and how they make you feel like.
I’m definitely a fan of authenticity, but sometimes I think it’s overrated. All of us are unique, and if we know what we want, our weaknesses, and we are sincere with ourselves, we have the key to become in better persons.
xxx
- Laura
May 20th, 2010 at 12:47 am
One of the reasons I read your blog is because it definitely has a feel of authenticity to it. I feel like I get a look at the real girl behind the words, and I rarely get that feeling from a blog. Of course you have to censor some things, but that’s totally OK. We all do that in real life anyway.
I really enjoyed this post, it makes me really want to get back into public blogging
- Gina
(Violetsteel)
May 20th, 2010 at 4:30 am
Do your own thing, be your own person but don’t stray too far from who you are in “real life” to whom you portray yourself to be online.
Good post Allie.
May 20th, 2010 at 5:02 am
Allie – Appreciate you honesty on this post. Can totally relate. Just be you, screw the rest – cause you are wonderful!
May 21st, 2010 at 5:32 am
Hey Allie, I think it’s natural to be different around different people and groups – people bring out different aspects of your personality. That’s why it’s fun to have a varying group of friends. I think individuals can be pigeon-holed – you are ever-changing and your environment and the company you keep influence this change. It’s natural!
May 22nd, 2010 at 10:02 am
I enjoy your blog because you’re very authentic. In mine, I think I am pretty much myself and that’s why people like it. I wouldn’t write any other way!