Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

THE RIGHT REASONS

Friday, March 26th, 2010

Bear with me. This is going to be a very personal post.

Man and the Sunset

Now that I’m 25, and have been in a long-term relationship for 3 years with Allan, I’m getting sick of people asking me if I want to get married and have kids.
To be honest, it’s a totally intimidating idea. My answer is always the same: Yes, I want to get married eventually but not now, and I’m pretty sure I never want to have kids.

The look is always the same, too. Utter shock and surprise. Is it really that bad that I don’t want to have children? Does that make me some kind of cold-hearted robot?

Yes, Allan and I have talked about marriage… but we both want to wait for the right time. We’re both in the middle of our careers and we want to pay off some debt before we start a new life together. Also – to me marriage is about making a commitment and working at it no matter what happens. It’s a big deal. 3-5 years away would be a good timeline. I’ve seen a lot of couples jump into it too early and end up unhappy. Basically, I’m not in any rush. I’m still young. I love him, and I love our life together right now.

Having kids is a whole new different ballgame. I like our lifestyle. I love being able to go surf and snowboard and go on trips whenever we want. Is this selfish?  I love being able to go out during the week or the weekend and not have to worry about a babysitter. I can see the attraction behind having little “you”’s running around… little surfers and snowboarders and someone to take care of. But I don’t think living vicariously through them, wanting to have clones of yourself, or having kids just to fill a gap in your relationship are the right reasons to have children. What are the right reasons, anyway?

We both want to keep working full-time jobs in the video game industry. I can’t imagine having a child and not staying home with them. I feel like it would be difficult to provide my children with the type of life I’d want them to have. How could we possibly have kids and pay for education AND still go out and do all the activities we love to do. It’s a big sacrifice.

I know several couples who have decided not to have children and they are now in their 50s and they are living it up! They have no regrets (as far as I can tell from talking to them) and they are incredibly happy with each other. And totally not stressed compared to the parents I know.

Still – a lot of people say having kids is the best thing that has ever happened to them. Sometimes I wonder who they are trying to convince… me, or themselves? And a lot of people say NOT having kids is the best thing that has ever happened to them! So confusing.

So, it’s out there now, on my very public blog. Dear Mom: Don’t kill me.

So, what do you think? Am I a bad person for not wanting to have kids and get married right away? Is this an age thing where I’ll change my mind later (I doubt it)? Are you a parent? Was it worth it? Do you want kids? If so – why? If not – why not?

A SOCIETY OF KEYBOARD TYPERS

Thursday, January 15th, 2009

Time to Think on the Beach

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the how we’ve evolved as a society over time. Yes, prepare yourself for mass generalizations in this post.

We consider ourselves to be evolved as a society and as a race. Many people around the world earn their living by working in offices and sitting at computers. High-tech devices including computers, cell phones, Blackberries, laptops, and of course the internet have enabled us to communicate faster, work faster, and save us time.

So why do we have so little free time?

I read a book a few months ago that spoke about a CEO of a large corporation who moved to a remote part of Hawaii and began his life anew. He lived in a small hut, lived off the ocean and the land, and surfed every day. He didn’t need to make any money because he didn’t need to spend any money. Although this kind of life isn’t for everyone, it sounds amazing to me. Too good to be true, almost.. but I realize this is a pretty extreme example.

Playa Avellanas

Why is it that we require so many “things” in life to be happy? I feel like we’re all running a rat race and we’re not really gaining anything.

How is it that we have all this amazing technology and incredible advances in so many aspects of our lives but we can’t find much time for ourselves, or even for our loved ones?

Many of us don’t live wholly off the land; we go to the supermarket. Many of us don’t do manual labour for work… we don’t build or hunt or even defend. The most “physical” “jobs” in the world are perhaps professional sports, and we revere these incredible athletes. But they’re just playing a game. Why are manual labour jobs considered so inferior to typing on a keyboard in a concrete high rise? If this were pre-historic times, all of us keyboard typers would be dead!

So despite all these devices that are supposed to save us time, why are our work hours getting longer? Why do we work from home and on the weekends? Shouldn’t it be the opposite? We’re all spending so much money on expensive mattresses, sleep therapy, psychiatrists, fitness centres, all-inclusive resorts, self-help seminars and books, spa treatments, house cleaners, personal assistants, and different pillows that can solve our sleep problems. The promise of being happy, healthy, and relaxed is so elusive. Despite all this, we find ourselves busier, poorer, and more stressed just trying to afford the things that may be the magic fix.

The Hotel's Pillow Menu

I wonder if I’m just idealistic for hoping that someday society in North America can come to a compromise where people can have more time. More time to travel, more time to be with family, more time to sleep, more time to meditate, more time to enjoy nature, more time to be ourselves.

Fall Colours

Is this dream ever possible? Or as a human race, are we always going to be trying to run so fast through life that we run ourselves into the ground?

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This the blog of a 28 year-old Vancouver girl who loves and writes about everything “Vancouver” and West Coast. This is the blog of a girl who works in Vancouver's video game industry, it's also a surfing blog, snowboarding blog, food blog, Canucks blog, gadget blog, and photography blog. VancityAllie.com is an award-winning blog that receives over 2.7M unique visitors every year and over 4,500 followers on Twitter. VancityAllie.com has been featured in books, newspapers, magazines, and television.

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